Washington, D.C. — After a tough 3 day Facebook argument, Special Counsel Robert Mueller is officially closing the investigation into the Trump campaign and the Russian hacking into the election. After a heated 72 hour battle with Trump supporters On Reddit.com’s popular subreddit “the_donald,” Mueller finally caved.
“You guys are right, I was pretty confident that there was something there but I’ve now seen the light and realize it’s just fake news,” said an exasperated Mueller who goes by the Reddit handle of ‘theMule’, “Trump didn’t collude, I just didn’t have all the information you’re privy to, the outstanding arguments are too persuasive to deny.”
Others jumped in to corroborate Mr. Mueller’s change of heart.
“This has all the markings of a coordinated, silent coup. The entire Russia angle was just a hoax perpetrated by leftist, Marxist, deep state operatives directed by Obama” said Reddit user ‘pussygrabber’. “Mueller just needed to see things our way, Trump is just trying to Make America Great Again, and the deep state globalists will do anything to sabotage that.”
When asked if he at all found the numerous ties with Russia troublesome, Mueller responded “are the Russians invading America? I might have thought once that it was a possibility but now? No, Mexico’s doing that,” he said. “Russia is a country that produces oil and hot models. Frankly, I think we could reach an arrangement with them.”
“Mueller put up a good fight, but our evidence and logic finally won the day,” proclaimed another Reddit user who goes by handle ‘TheKenyanPresident.’ “I’m really hoping to score a position in the White House now. I mean we deserve recognition for what we’ve done for the President.”
Mueller, who was former head of the FBI and now the lead investigator into the Russian meddling in the 2016 election, had put together a top-tier team to dig into whether the Trump campaign had colluded with Russia to win the Presidency. It’s unclear if they will stay on as the investigation turns to who was responsible for the leaks.
“Whoever leaked this information will be prosecuted to the fullest extent the law,” Muller said in a statement released today. “The deep state will not win, and America will be great again.”