Freehold, NJ — Christ Christie is back in the news today as reports came in from an area Golden Corral restaurant that the New Jersey governor had shut down the popular family-style buffet restaurant so he could dine in private.
“He just came marching through the doors and started yelling for everyone one to get out,” said Freehold, New Jersey Golden Corral salad station manager Jared Heldenswire. “We thought it was some kind of terrorist attack and all the employees started to run out the back door. But then the General Manager told everyone to calm down, that it was just Christie and everyone should return to their stations.”
The governor instructed his assistants to “clear everyone out by the help” and they proceeded to do so. Within 15 minutes, Christie had the entire buffet to himself.
“He was saying things like, ‘where to start’ and ‘that prime rib looks delicious,” continued Mr. Heldenswire. “I offered him my salad station and he yelled at me. He said something like, ‘I don’t eat that animal food crap. Thanks anyway.’ I just kept quiet after that.”
Mr. Heldenswire said the governor spent most of his time at the grilled-to-order sirloin steak station, but not without controversy.
“He kept yelling and Horatio [the steak station attendant] to not over cook ‘the god-damned steak’,” said Mr. Heldenswire trying not to lose his composure. “He was like that with other area. Mr. Christie also demanded a whole pepperoni pizza, but the woman who was working pizza had left her post because she was afraid. One of Christie’s men managed to figure out how to slice up the pizza, but he just told him to ‘give me the whole thing.'”
A spokesperson for the governor said that she saw nothing wrong with his behavior, adding that this was “the governor’s prerogative.”
“Look,” said Christie spokesperson Bethany Millbright, “he’s the governor and he can do whatever he wants. The people of New Jersey elected him because he is a rogue character and knows how to take control. I know we’re not used to strong leaders, but America needs to get used to that.”
The governor spent over 90 minutes dining in the restaurant while his family waited patiently in the parking lot while the his security detail prevented other customers from entering the restaurant. He did not leave a tip.