North San Juan, CA — Area amateur researcher Skyy Wolford says he’s discovered the secret behind the growing obesity epidemic not only in America, but across the entire planet. According to Mr. Wolford in a 87 minute YouTube expose, the “fattening of the world” is a deliberate attempt by earth-bound Reptilian overlords to prepare humanity for harvesting by a visiting extraterrestrial race called the Anunnaki.
“NASA has already reported Nibiru entering our solar system this past month,” said Mr. Wolford in a somewhat frantic and breathy Scooper telephone interview. “And the Anunnaki are coming to eat us. It’s that simple. They timed their return just as our population has reached its peak and we’re fat and lazy. We’re to be easy-pickings for our Nibiru overlords.”
Mr. Wolford is not a scientist, nor does he have any scientific training. He did spend two semesters at Sierra Community College studying psychology until he decided “school was not right for him.” The 34-year-old retired to North San Juan to sell fake local crystals that he sourced from Malaysia to Yuba River tourists.
Since then, Mr. Wolford has focused his attention on what he feels are the most pressing issues of the day: FEMA camps, the campaign to forcibly poison us with vaccinations, chemtrails and of course the Nibiru/Anunnaki conspiracy myth that supposedly visits Earth every 3600 to 35000 years depending on the legend. Some Anunnaki experts claim the visiting extraterrestrials come to harvest gold and other valuable metals. Others, like Mr. Wolford, believe they come to harvest humans.
“Although Zecharia Sitchin didn’t specifically mention the harvesting of humans,” continued Mr. Wolford discussing the Russian-born author who proposed that modern humans are Anunnaki hybrids. “He did talk about why they needed us, which was as slave labor for gold and other resource mining. And given that we now know we’re ruled by Reptilians, like Hillary Clinton, it makes sense that global elites are fattening us up with GMOs and dumbing us down with fluoride. It’s as clear as day if you just look around.”
The modern version the Nibiru/Anunnaki myth has its roots in ancient Babylonian texts, specifically the Gilgamesh Saga, where it is suggested that this visiting race interacted and mated with humans to “lift them up” from their more primordial state. More modern interpretations have been conflated with the “Ancient Astronaut” and Nibiru myths to form a fantastic modern narrative about human evolution.
As for Mr. Wolford, he has no suggestions on what to do once the Anunnaki arrive on Nibiru.
“You can actually see Nibiru in the noon sky,” Mr. Wolford continued sounding more resigned. “They try to cloak their arrival behind the sun, but at times during the day, you can see the speck of the planet around the Sun [Editor’s note: please do not look at the Sun]. But I have no idea what to do. It seems we are doomed with everyone being fat, lazy and apathetic. I hope we at least taste good.”