Nevada County, CA — Nevada County Judge Sean Dowling ruled in favor of homeowners in a long-running building permit dispute that will ultimately bankrupt Nevada County.
Following the announcement, Nevada County taxpayers made a run on the local Grocery Outlet, exhausting Top Ramen supplies at the popular discount grocery store. According to economists, the indigestible popular Japanese instant noodle product which is manufactured in China, is all anybody will be able to afford after the county is done paying off the debt from the Erickson vs. Nevada County lawsuit. Nevada County taxpayers now appear destined to survive on Top Ramen and water from various drought-stricken creeks.
According to Li Qiang, head of Zhengzhou’s Top Ramen operations in east-central China, the company has increased production in order to meet the increased demand in Nevada County, CA.
This entire affair has the potential to pull the lagging Chinese economy out of its economic downturn.
In a Scooper interview, China’s Prime Minister Li Keqiang stated, “[w]e had no idea how to save our economy. We tried jailing economists and reporters, but that just made our currency issues worse. We are grateful for the Nevada County people. If it wasn’t for their democratically elected Board of Supervisors plunging them into bankruptcy, China would not be able to recover.” Kegiang says state-sponsored noodle factories are springing up all over China to meet the increased demand of the near-bankrupt Nevada County whom are forced to survive on nothing but budget-friendly Top Ramen, as the expensive Erickson vs. Nevada County case drags on.
“Distinguished” County Supervisor Nate Beason, who refuses to eat Top Ramen but is apparently comfortable eating rats and fishing for supper from the Deer Creek bridge, suggests Nevada County taxpayers are whiners.
“I don’t know why everyone has their undies in a wad about having to pay all this money to support never-ending lawsuits.” Said Supervisor Beason who was fishing from the middle of the Deer Creek Bridge. “They elected us in the first place and now all I hear is bitch, bitch, bitch.”
Homeless shelters and advocacy groups are at a loss to provide for the increased need, which now rivals the 1845-1852 Great Famine in Ireland. It’s not like the County provided basic safety net services to begin with, but with no money in the County General Fund, County staff and elected are predicting the need to burn their own homes to stay warm throughout the coming winter. Nevada County’s general population has been reduced to wearing rags and cooking in barrels, utilizing books and home furnishings for fuel. Still others see this as a form of social justice for the sins of Nevada County’s past.
“It’s called Karma,” said Nevada City, CA community organizer Sairhra Ramun. “It’s payback time for the horrible treatment of migrant Chinese workers during the Gold Rush. The irony of Nevada County now being dependent on China is delicious. Well, ‘delicious’ is a figure of speech because Ramen is nasty crap. In a way, the Board of Supervisors are unwittingly carrying out justice.”
China’s Kegiang says that while he is sorry for Nevada County’s troubles he is thankful China’s economy has been saved. He intends to issue a Writ of Proclamation naming the Nevada County Board of Supervisors and Nevada County Counsel as honorary Chinese citizens for their success in rescuing the Chinese economy.